An extra pair of shoes in the background of a hallway selfie. Two plates on the artfully photographed dining room table instead of one. An unfamiliar apartment providing the mise-en-scène on Instagram Stories. These are all popular cues—“relationship breadcrumbs,” if you will—that someone has shifted their relationship status from capital-S Single to taken, but without proof positive, it’s hard to know for sure.
As survivors testify, to make the choice to leave an abusive relationship requires courage. The process of actually leaving constitutes the most dangerous time for survivors of domestic abuse, with up to 75% of female abuse survivors who are murdered being killed after they leave their partners; unfortunately, even access to support and financial resources doesn’t always ensure safety. In light of all that, it’s long past time for us to stop asking survivors why they stayed; instead, let’s ask what we, as a society, can do to make it easier for them to feel safe leaving.
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